I was talking to my therapist about how I struggle to write every day. I told him I just don’t feel motivated. I don’t feel like it, I said.

And I’m not talking about writing for work. Some days I don’t feel like working, sure, but I do it anyways. I was talking about writinig for myself. Writing fiction, journaling, or even posting to this blog. Just writing because I’m a writer and that’s what writers do.

One reason for this, we decided, is that I put a lot of expectations on my writing. I want my fiction to be published. I want my journaling to solve my problems. I want people to read this blog.

And if I don’t get those things, I feel like a failure. Why bother writing if it doesn’t achieve anything? Maybe that’s a topic for another time.

The other thing we discovered is that I don’t need to be motivated to do something. I rarely want to brush my teeth, take the dog out, or cook dinner. But I do these things for two reasons.

First, I do them because I made a decision to do them. I don’t wait around to feel motivated to brush my teeth. I don’t put off cooking (or ordering food) until I feel inspired. I just decide to do it, then I do it.

Second, the reason I decide to do these things is because I value them. It’s not like I’ll go to jail for not brushing my teeth, but I value clean teeth and breath that won’t make my coworkers hide from me.

This changes the equation in two major ways. First, making a decision feels a lot different than searching for a feeling of motivation. It’s a lot easier, and it’s totally in my control. I can decide to work out in the morning, or I can decide not to. It’s not like I have to hope that I just happen to feel good in the morning.

Second, my choice to do something (or not do something) is based on a logical balancing of things that I value and natural consequences. The clearest example is morning exercise. Since we had this conversation, I’ve worked out nearly every morning. It’s not much — some cardio, core exercises, lunges, usually about 30 minutes — but it’s a solid routine. And most days, I don’t at all feel like doing it. So why do I do it?

Once again, there are two reasons. First, I decided it’s something that I value. It’s important to me to be in decent physical shape so I can feel better, be more able to help folks when they need it, and have more focus and energy throughout the day. Second, I have felt the consequences of not working out, and I don’t like them now that I know the benefits — I lose focus much more quickly and I feel tired about halfway through the day. Not fun.

I started this post talking about writing. Has this new mindset helped me start writing every day? No. But I’ve developed one strong habit, and I’ll keep focusing on that. Until then, I’m aware of the consequences of not writing daily. It’s not anything I’m doing to myself — I don’t feel any shame or guilt about it — but I’m aware I’m missing great stories and sacrificing being one-day’s-worth of a better writer. I’m also focusing on my values, and why I value writing. One day, I’ll make the decision to write daily, and I believe I’ll do it (most of the time).

Until then, I’m just enjoying this new habit.